Orientation

Company orientation for The San Diego Police Department was unlike anything I expected. Everyone was there from my Background Detective all the way to the Chief of Police. I've never seen so much brass in one room, and I don't think I'll see it again in my career. We were in a large auditorium and the walls were lined with Captains and Lieutenants representing every division in the Department. We even got to meet the Mayor and he shook my hand.

They all introduced themselves, then we all introduced ourselves. I felt slightly insignificant because we had a lot of people with military experience (some had 20 year careers), lots of people with various college degrees... overall people with more experience than me. What did I have? Well I've been a bouncer for three years...

We signed up for our medical/dental benefits, 401K, POA (police union), and the infamous San Diego City Pension. I was made.

Then we went to the equipment room and were issued our riot helmet, wooden baton, first aid kit, handcuffs, pepper spray, finger print kit, and some other items. In all about 10% of the required equipment for the Academy. Latter I made a few trips to the local police uniform store and I had to buy more than a thousand dollars worth of equipment. Oh well, I was set for life now.

Conditional Hire

So I was hired... conditionally upon successful completion of a full physical and psychological evaluation.

The medical was no problem, just a full physical; hearing, sight, drug test, EKG, x-rays, lung test, then the doctor grabs your balls and makes you cough. Fun times.

I wasn't so sure about the psych test. It was an interview that only lasted five minutes! Who knows what he's looking for.

After about a week I got news I was cleared.

Interview

As soon as the polygraph was over, around noon, I went to work until 8:00pm. At 9:00pm I went on another ride along with my local Division. It was a routine night, but I loved it. I got lots of good advise about the Interview and tips to impress the board. I had to cut the ride along short at around 3:00am so the Officer took me back to the station and I went home to try and sleep.

I woke up a few hours latter and was at the station a half hour early. New tailored suit, clean shave, shined shoes, and a large energy drink... I was as ready as I could be.

I imaged the interview in a huge room where I stood alone facing a panel of 6 veterans that would take turns drilling me with questions.

Good thing I was punctual because they called me in 15 minutes early. The interview was in an office with two Sergeants, and I got to sit down. I was asked 4 questions that I aced. I answered in a commanding manner and only stuttered twice. Six minutes later I was done, back to the waiting area. When I was called back in the Sergeants told me I was exactly what they were looking for, then they signed my conditional letter of hire. I was in.

Before I left I answered two 500 question psychological tests. All the questions were true/false. Here are some of the memorable ones:

• Do you like Milk?
• Do you like to fix door hinges?
• If you were a painter, would you paint flowers?

Polygraph

As I was waiting in the lobby, I couldn't help but overhear a homeless lady trying to file a report at the front desk about some far fetched incident that happened in OC months ago. Is this what I had in store for myself? Was I going though this whole process just to deal with adults that could not deal with the world...

So I get up to the fifth floor just to find out that my Polygraph administrator had called in sick. Great. I spoke with another polygraph administrator, and I told him about my tight time line to get into the April Academy. He was sympathetic and said he would get to me today but I would have to wait until after his appointment with an informant.

I decided to sneak up to to the top floor were the cafeteria was listed on the elevator directory. Would my "5th Floor Only" visitor badge cause my any trouble? Oh well, I was starving. Damn I forgot my wallet in the car. As the elevator came back to the lobby I was meet by a Detective, "Hey I've been looking for you. The informant has a cold and you can't be polygraphed if you have any illness. So you're up, kid."

If you've never been polygraphed it's a trip. First you know all the questions ahead of time, so there is time for the questions to marinate on your long term memory. Next you are hooked up to monitors for sweat, blood pressure, breathing, movement, and you're recorded on camera.

After each question you have to wait about ten seconds to record your reaction. For ten seconds you can't move, or breath weird (hard to do when you're thinking about breathing).

I'll tell you I passed. But at the same time I now know polygraph is not a science. There were questions that I should have shown activity on, but I didn't. Then I supposedly showed activity on Marijuana questions. "Yeah, bullshit I've never used Marijuana in my life." The next five minutes of silents were finally interrupted by the administrator, "OK, good enough for me. You passed."

My panel interview is tomorrow.

Funny side note; Daniel had the same polygraph administrator as I did, and he was also "showing activity on Marijuana," but the guy didn't pass him. So he's out. And Chris got the boot after they looked at his PIQ. Hard times.